Seto Kaiba's Guide To Domino City
by xNevermorex
Summary: This is a twisted town, and I, everyone's favorite CEO, am here to explain it all to you. Finally, something in which BlueEyez can't possibly torment me...rating just to be safe.
1. An introduction to Domino and the School

BlueEyez: since I'm so evil to everyone most of the time, I decided to be nice and let Seto write a story without my help, but I'll still be in the epilogue and prologue.   
  
Raven: This'll be interesting.  
  
Seto: Darn right it will. I think I will write a guide for all cool newcomers to Domino City. You know, to set them off on the right foot. So they don't wind up like Wheeler.  
  
Joey: I heard that, moneybags!  
  
Seto: I don't care. anyway, BlueEyez does not own YuGiOh, me, or any of that. she just owns herself and Raven. Wait. No. Raven owns her, she doesn't own Raven.   
  
BlueEyez: *cough*  
  
Raven: he's right, you know. Now, go.  
  
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THE COOL NEWBIE'S GUIDE TO DOMINO CITY  
  
- By Seto Kaiba, thankfully not BlueEyez, so HA  
  
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Hello newcomer to Domino City. first let me state that I am the famous Seto Kaiba. I am the 15-year-old multimillionaire CEO of Kaiba Corporation, and I am better than you. so now that that's established, let me tell you that I am the only 15-year-old in town to have their own limo and driver's license. Still questioning my superiority?   
  
So, chances are if you are even bothering to read this you must have SOME class. Or you just have heard of me and my incredible class.   
  
Domino is a crazy town. There are crazy people in this crazy town. Do not walk down dark alleys. Do not talk to people in purple cloaks. and DO NOT talk to 50-year-old guys with long white hair and red suit mumbling about funny bunny.   
  
Alright, before we get started, I assume that you want to be like me in Domino. You want to associate with the same people I associate, and avoid those I avoid. Good. You are wise in a less-than-me sort of way.   
  
First of all, get a trenchcoat. Not just any trenchcoat. A silver metallic-looking trenchcoat that flaps around, wind optional. Adopt a perfect death glare. That's as close to my perfection as you can possibly get. Now, let's look at the destination you'll be spending the most time at.  
  
DOMINO HIGH SCHOOL  
  
Yes. This big white building is the High School. I hope you brought your uniform. But here's a secret. You CAN where your cool new metallic floaty trenchcoat OVER your uniform. then threaten to have your "friends in high places" shut down the school if the teachers complain. Because if you are like me, I am your friend. And I am indeed in a very high place(I am writing this from the top story of KaibaCorp. It has 105 floors), but you don't need me to tell you that.   
  
Now. When you first get to school, you will report immediately to your locker. If you ever see a bunch of people walking by with notepads and pens, staring at you and everyone else with evil glares, be afraid. They are the Writer's Group. They write evil stories for Fanfiction.Net!  
  
Then, go to your first period. then your second. And so on. I cannot walk your through that, because a) I'm not your mother and b) I don't know your class schedule, I'm not psychic.   
  
Now, lunch time is when you'll get to socialize. Or, if you're like me, not, and just sit there giving everyone your nastiest death glare. They'll stay away. Or maybe they won't.   
  
There's a game called Duel Monsters that you will hear about as soon as your in Domino for fifteen seconds. If you don't know how to play, get a manuel. I couldn't expain all the rules and stay within the length boundaries BlueEyez has set for me if I tried. who's blueEyez? Evil. You'll hear about her and her friends in a minute.  
  
So, you have a deck of cards, and you're looking for someone to duel. First of all, that incredibly handsome dude with the brown hair and the blue eyes( blue eyes as in the color, not to be confused with the evil demon running around the school who I'll get to in a minute), he's your's truly. I know. Is it really possible for someone to look so good? well, I'm there, aren't I? Anyway, don't duel me, you'll waste my time. But I will enjoy watching you cream the other duelists. After all, you must be pretty skilled to have the sophisticated taste it takes to appreciate my writing. Unlike that crap BlueEyez writes.  
  
Okay, okay! You probably are curious about who this brat I keep venting about is, and who that group of kids sitting in the corner are.   
  
First of all, there's the short one. No, not the one with the white hair, I'll get to him in a minute. DONT BACKSASS ME, I KNOW YOU THINK HE'S THE SHORTEST ONE THERE. LOOK DOWN, SMART ONE! See? Yes. I know. bad hairdo. Doesn't he just scream 'Pick On Me?" Trust me, don't. Because he gets taller. And eviler. And if you still pick on him, then you'll need more than a cold pack and some aspirin (DONT OWN IT). Anyway, his name's Yugi, and he did NOT ONCE beat me in a duel, and I NEVER cheated against him, and I am NOT in denial, and I KNOW it's not just a river in Egypt! Curse Egypt, anyway...  
  
So, when the freak gets taller (which still isn't saying much...hahaha), some wack-job museum owner says he's the spirit of an ancient Pharoah. Right, and I thought Yugi's grandpa was old.   
  
Anyway, if that tall "spirit pharoah" dude ever tells you you need to "open your mind", turn and run in the opposite direction, cause he sure has a way with psychology. Ugh.   
  
So, by now you're probably staring at the insanely ugly guy with the blonde hair and Brooklyn accent. Congratulations, you've just met one of your inferiors. His name is Joey, and so far he knows "sit, stay, come, and roll over." He's also not housebroken yet. I'm working it, though.  
  
What's this? The girl next to Joey is talking and she won't shut up? MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY FOR A BIT LONGER, just turn and walk away. That's Tea. She's obsessed with friendship. And she has had the NERVE to raise her voice around me after I safely convinced Yugi that he didn't really want to defeat me on Pegasus' castle because he knew I had to save my brother Mokuba and realized that his Grandpa was just an old fart anyway.   
  
Okay. Now, for the worst one of all. See that girl with the black hair, sky blue eyes (too similar in color to mine, I need colored contacts now...) and a notepad in her pocket? That's BlueEyez. Yes, she is a part of the writer's club. We don't get along, but she thinks we do. Sometimes, though, she gets taller, with narrower, icy blue eyes (like mine) and flowy black hair rather than dead-looking black hair. That would be Raven, whom BlueEyez turns into on occasions like Yugi and that pharoah...I think his name was Yami. Raven is the single reason I go near BlueEyez. See, Raven has a sense of style, taste, and has a wonderful attitude. She's fun to be around. but she does insult me too much.   
  
Next is a short dude with big chocolate eyes and white hair. His name is Ryou. He's one of the nicest guys in school. So then why does he sometimes suddenly snap and go plan evil murder plots for everyone? The world may never know. Avoid him. He's dangerous.   
  
So, now you're probably eying the guy with black hair and dice earrings (Um, fashion police?) and a guy with a lethal weapon for hair. Duke and Tristan. Both of them have a crush on the Mutt's younger sister, Serenity. Whom I have to admit is pretty nice, but Raven's hair is MUCH better.   
  
So, they're everyone you really need to know out of your classmates. There was one other. Her name was Mai Valentine, i believe. Blonde, insanely egotistic...I'll get to her and her plight eventually.   
  
next time, we'll be discussing the museum, and those crazy gold things you've probably seen some Domino city residents wearing.   
  
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BlueEyez: You dissed me about twenty times in that story. I'm never letting any YGO character write anything again.  
  
Raven: *reads story* *stares at Seto* The only reason you hang out with BlueEyez?  
  
Seto: Well...I...uh...  
  
Yami: ...you called me, AND my hikari short! *fumes*  
  
Seto: ...Raven, I'll get the cold packs, you get the aspirin. 


	2. Millennium Items, and Dangerous Things

BlueEyez: ...HE got reviews? after insulting me?  
  
Seto: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I will give you an autographed picture of me if you'd like. I know I have so many fangirls...  
  
Raven: *rolls eyes* Please. Can we just get on with it?  
  
Yami: ugh. I want to put him out for another four days, but Raven keeps complaining about the price of aspirin nowadays.  
  
Malik: I haven't even been in this story yet. Finally, a story in which it seems I can't be tormented, and I'm not in it.  
  
Seto: Shut up. So, BlueEyez doesn't own YGO, or anything you recognize. Or me. But you recognize me, obviously. So...I'll get on with it.  
  
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SO, you've hopefully made a good impression and didn't get killed by Ryou's psychotic half or Yugi's Show-Offy and still Short half. Now, you are probably wondering what those strange gold things people carry around are.   
  
See, the first one you'll notice is probably an ugly upside-down triangle thing on Yugi. It's the Millennium Puzzle. That's where the crazy pharoah lives. Or so I've been told. I think it's baloney. Anyway, I know it's shiney and pretty, but don't try to take it, or you'll die. Not like I've tried, it is so 3,000 years ago, anyway.  
  
Then there's the thing around Ryou's neck, the Millennium Ring. Those spike things can supposedly sense other Millennium items. The only thing I know that ring for is a psycho tomb robber.   
  
There's also the coolest item, the Millennium Rod. I don't know why I like it, but it's the best one. It's owned by Malik, who's this blond kid who sometimes has insane hair days. Really insane. As in, could rival Yugi. WHY can't anyone just brush their hair around here like me and Raven? anyway, it can control people's minds, and makes a cool dagger. Or so I've heard.  
  
There's also this Millennium Necklace, that this girl who looks kind of like Raven only taller, with straighter hair, and wears white clothes, named Isis. It's supposed to be able to see the future, but I know from experience that it can't hold a candle to a real duelist. Namely, me, and likely you if you're reading this.   
  
Then there is the Millennium Eye, which used to be owned by Maximillion Pegasus, this 50-year-old creep with long silver hair and a red suit. Seriously, I've had nightmares about this guy, but I can't tell you them here, not with the rating that BlueEyez made me use. I hate her, you know...I feel bad for Raven. if BlueEyez was in my mind I'd go insane. Anyway, it can read minds.  
  
Then this guy named Shadi owns the Millennium Scale and Key. The Key can go inside someone's mind, the Scale weighs a heart and a feather. (I think...anyone know what they really do? Haven't heard much about these two.)(A/N: BlueEyez and Raven have an item called the Millennium Bracelet, but as it is not real I did not discuss it here. If you want to know, it's a bracelet, duh, and it gives the ability to commune with animals. Which is why I love to sic cobras on Yami when he's trying to murder me.) Ugh. Darn BlueEyez, making Authers Notes in my fanfic. (A/N Seto. It's not BlueEyez. Ugh, and I thought you needed brains to run a multimillion dollar corporation. This is Raven. Peace, out.) Ugh. Me and my darn mouth. THis is all BlueEyez' fault, for not being here to take my insults.   
  
Well, I've discussed millennium items and still have a lot of time on my hands, because BlueEyez told me we'd lose all our readers if the stories were short and boring. If only killing BlueEyez didn't mean killing Raven too, I'd be all over the idea. Darn Raven, not having her own body.   
  
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I think I should take the little time we have left to discuss the dangers of Domino City in brief. You may want to read this section. Or you will die. There are main dangers we should know about as of now.  
  
1. Yugi's puzzle. Do NOT try to snatch that thing, like I said, you'd need a whole lot more than a cold pack and some aspirin, you'd need hours of psychologist sessions. Trust me. and you may see a side of you you never wanted to see. Such as, a big fat horrific clown. Uuuuuuggh I'm going to be sick.  
  
2. Ryou's ring. Yeah, Ryou's sweet and innocent enough. Too innocent. His ring's spirit is a tomb robber who's evil and likes to play insane games.   
  
3. Malik's rod. Can take control of minds. and does so on a regular basis. and is a dagger. but I said that earlier. Plus Malik's crazy, so that doesn't make matters any better.  
  
4. Malik's Yami. Makes Malik look like...Mokuba. Very crazy. Forget dark allies, don't be caught in the same borough as this freak. Of course, you can recognize him a mile away with that hair. Can you say, Dragon Ball Z gone wacko?   
  
5. Dead 10-year-old stepbrothers. They will drag you into virtual reality where you will be faced to defeat your old employees who are so old you're amazed they can remember your name, let alone how they vow revenge upon you, and then he will duel you, beat you, and turn you to stone (A/N: I cried for an hour after that...) Pardon me, readers, I believe Raven just mumbled a confession. (A/N: Not raven! ^_^) I HATE YOU, BLUEEYEZ, AND IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RATHER THAN A VOICE MAKING AUTHOR'S NOTES I WOULD THROW SOMETHING LARGE AND HEAVY AT YOU? (A/N: Like Joey?) Ugh. I am now struggling to ignore her. Anyway, so, you'll get turned to stone and have Pharoah dude come and rescue you. yeah. Avoid the stepbrothers.   
  
6. BlueEyez. Sure, you think Raven's the evil one because she looks darker, and BlueEyez has those big, innocent eyes that I hate so much, but she's pure evil. Raven is just an innocent pawn in her plan. (A/N: I beg your pardon?) Yes, BlueEyez, I am insulting you. (A/N hello...not BlueEyez...) Okay. BlueEyez is so getting it after I write this. So, BlueEyez is worse than Malik because Malik doesn't even pretend to be sweet. If you ever find yourself befriending BlueEyez, stop and think for a moment.If you are befriending BlueEyez just because you like Raven, congratulations. You, like me, are a resourceful person.  
  
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Seto: What was that, with all the author's notes?   
  
BlueEyez: Comedy. You were boring me.   
  
Seto: and why did you and Raven keep confusing me?  
  
Raven: We didn't. We accidently kept making author's notes, without regard for each other's notes.   
  
Yami: BlueEyez, I thought that coke was supposed to be caffein-free.  
  
BlueEyez: Didn't say nothin' about sugar ^_^   
  
Seto: I hoped that your hyper insanity could not hurt me in my own story. I was wrong. Anyway, please R & R. 


	3. Author's Notes and FAQs

BlueEyez: Okay, I am glad this story got so many reviews. I've got a couple of things to address:   
  
1. This story will most likely be on temporary hold. If you are a Seto obsessor, read Seto's Diaries, another one of my stories, or just read my other stories.   
  
2. Yami Naphatarie: Sure, Raven and I would be glad to be in your story.   
  
Raven: I'm flattered ^_^   
  
Since we aren't giving any new chapters today, Seto's going to answer some FAQs that I've observed.  
  
1. Will you marry me?  
  
Seto: No.  
  
2. How do you feel about having so many fans?  
  
Seto: It's bothersome, but I can't say I blame them...  
  
3. Is it hard being so successful?  
  
Seto: it was at first, but now I love the power.  
  
4. Who do you hate the most?  
  
Seto: Yami. Yugi's too small and insignificant to matter to me, and Pegasus is morally wrong and I refuse to waste my thoughts on him.  
  
5. Who do you like?   
  
Seto: In most of BlueEyez' fics, Raven, but in the show...I'm really not interested in anyone. If I had to pick, probably Isis or Serenity.   
  
6. What about Joey?  
  
Seto: What about him? I don't like that you're asking about him right after the 'who do you like' question. THAT IS WRONG! I am refusing any more questions.  
  
BlueEyez: Yami Naphatarie, when you write the story, review one of my stories and give me the link to it so I can read it. Thanks ^_^ 


End file.
